In real love you want the other person’s good. In romantic love, you want the other person. 

Margaret Anderson

REFLECTIONS

ROMANTIC LOVE-YOU COMPLETE ME

For decades I have searched for the ‘you complete me‘ kind of love. Jonathan Livingston Seagull said and I believed Your soulmate is the one who makes life come to life‘! I even embraced the edicts from Love Story… ‘Love means never having to say you’re sorry.’ I wanted to gaze into the eyes of my one true love, sinking into the depths of his soul. We would be the swans and geese of love, swimming, flying, creating and mating as one, for a lifetime!

 I wanted to be the rainbow in his sky, his muse for artistic creations, the light of the moon in his darkest nights! I longed for a love in which we would lose ourselves in each other, and when apart our greatest desire would be to lose ourselves in each other yet again! Our love would be so all-embracing that we would dress in similar styles. Celebrity couples, then and now, idealize dressing as one.

IS THIS TRUE LOVE OR LOSS OF IDENTITY

DEBUNKING ROMANTIC LOVE

 My notion of love was a symbiotic union in which each person would flourish from their interdependency. I disregarded the opposing theory that symbiotic relationships tend more often to parasitism than mutualism. I believed we would be as one…an Eveready Battery,  perpetually re-energized because he was the negative to my positive…and yes, more often than not he was the negative to my positive! In the 20 years of living with my husband, I went from being a relatively healthy, self-suffient woman, to a bed-ridden, dependent arthritic. During this same period he flourished in his career, becoming well regarded and successful. Even though I have been apart from him for some years, it has taken dogged determination to learn to be different…to excavate, unearth and reveal the other woman within myself so as NOT to repeat this pattern. 

BLESSED ARE THE SIGNS FROM THE UNIVERSE

Since 2005, when I began to wake up, and take responsibility for my life, I’ve had to undergo metamorphosis after metamorphosis. The interesting and satisfying life I have now came because I had faith a better life existed for me and that I could and would find it. I am constantly blessed with helpful guideposts from the Universe. Over the last 6 months I have been  presented with a series of bird scenarios! First I saw a beautiful pair of swans swimming and canoodling in the bay near my cottage. Immediately, I sank into a reverie of my marriage, believing that I, just like the 2 birds before me, had had…almost…the perfect love. Self-delusion knows no bounds.

BIRD ENCOUNTER #1

Love-Two Moving as One!

Love-Two Moving as One!

I needed a severely disturbing image to shatter my long held fantasy… The Universe knew I would never find real love unless I let go of my desire for romantic love…and Voila! This is what I saw next! A Canada Goose, standing on the shore, immobilized due to the arrow through her foot.

BIRD ENCOUNTER #2

Me As Wounded Goose - Alone

Me As Wounded Goose – Alone

Synchronicity at its finest…(when an external event spontaneously unfolds before one’s eyes and  resonates wildly, unexpectedly and thankfully, with some heretofore unconscious, internal archetypal process, this is synchronicity). The heart wrenching horror of this goose’s debacle spoke directly to my soul. Instantly, I was identifying with this goose. She was alone, in her moment of desperation, abandoned by her partner. And then I remembered the legend of Cupid! He carries 2 types of arrows; some with sharp golden points, others with blunt points of lead. According to the legend, if wounded by Cupid’s golden arrow, you feel uncontrollable desire, but if wounded by the blunt lead arrow, you feel only an aversion for the partner and you have an insatiable desire to flee. Suddenly, I comprehended my marriage. I had been wounded by a golden arrow, but it seemed that my husband had been wounded by the lead. This myth made as much sense as any therapist’s analysis…I felt uncontrollable, unfathomable desire…while he had flown the coop, metaphorically speaking. This bird awakened in me a need to examine my notions of love in marriage, but left me feeling sorry for myself…more victim than heroine. So naturally I had more encounters with the Canada Goose…my Spirit Guide.

BIRD ENCOUNTER #3

 Hey Lady!

Hey Lady!

Last week I photographed a Canadian Goose staring at me from the rooftop of a nearby Condo. As I was feeling lost and forlorn, I projected these feelings onto the bird. I thought this goose had become separated from her life-long mate and was hoping to learn a few coping strategies from me. I showed this bird that the best way to deal with her situation was to follow my lead…just wallow in self pity accompanied by the goose equivalent of a stash of Oh Henry bars and wine! I spent the next several days wondering when I would be rescued from my misery by my Prince. But once again, The Universe intervened. What happened next was miraculous! Forget the Prince sister…

 BIRD ENCOUNTER #4

Hey Lady, Don't Project Your S**T Onto Me!

Hey Lady, Don’t Project Your S**T Onto Me!

Oh My God! My poor, lost and forlorn goose was standing in the doorway, blocking the entrance to my condo, forcing me to interact with it. “You sad, sad thing. You are so alone,”  I said aloud. Upon hearing my consoling, pitiful clucks, she turned and glared at me…

BIRD ENCOUNTER #5

I COMPLETE ME, WOMAN!

I COMPLETE ME, WOMAN!

 “You’re the silly goose, Lady!  Just cause I’m out wandering doesn’t mean I’m lost! I wanted to be alone today! I left him back at the reservoir so I could have a day to fulfill my own desires! Oh Ya, one other thing you got wrong about me. The other evening when I was staring at you from the rooftop, I wasn’t looking for any of your advice…I was trying to give you some.”

REAL LOVE – I COMPLETE ME

And then the light dawned. Love means being able to stand alone, contented in solitude. Real love, not romantic, cloying love will find me just like the Goose did! But first I must be  confident in my capacity to find purpose, spiritual and material wealth and contentedness utilizing my own resources. I  MUST COMPLETE ME!

I tried to hug my Spiritual Guide, but she sauntered away… her job was done…an empowered woman may have been reward enough!

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