Archives for posts with tag: Freud

REFLECTIONS

Throughout the year of theotherwomanblog, I have paid attention to impactful images and incidents. If something caught my eye or made my stomach lurch or left me in awe, I took note, trusting that this physiological response delivered a message of value. Up until theotherwomanblog, I relied on my mind almost exclusively. I gave little credence to my instinctual nature…my 6th sense, gut reactions or intuitive flashes. I believed this was old school hooey…along with Shamans, Psychics and Intuitive Healers. I honoured the very masculine, left-brained, Scientific Process.

But my Blog’s goal has been to unearth and explore the mystery of femininity in an effort to create psychological and physical balance. I’ve had to learn the ancient art of Symbology, so that I could bring meaning to poignant images and experiences. This skill may seem counter-intuitive or irrelevant in these modern times, but my wildly exciting year says otherwise. These vibrational, visceral reactions, once interpreted, became the cornerstones of my transformation. A heretofore buried complex or issue would burble to the surface, where my conscious, thinking adult self could dissect it, and eventually become free of the complex and its undermining grip. This is the therapeutic process, done without the therapist, the couch, prescriptions or money.

For example – Goose as Spiritual Guru

I came across the Canada Goose, pictured above, during Week 21 of 52 Changing My Lipstick to Red. This powerful and disturbing incident, has been pivotal to the unfolding of my key complex. This complex centred on the fact that my ‘successful adult’ persona, hid the dispirited, broken-hearted woman within. 

Symbolic Interpretations from Goose Image

1. The lone goose, separated from her life-long partner, helped me to accept that the characteristics of my complex prevented me from enjoying a successful and loving relationship with a man.

2. The shooting of the goose by an arrow, brought Cupid to my mind…thus reminding me to focus on issues of the heart…love enjoyed, love lost, love still to come!

3. The position of the arrow in the Goose’s foot triggered a question. “How am I shooting myself in the foot?” When this Goose sighting occurred, I was struggling to feel confident when sharing my writing. This query helped me to see that I must stop letting others’ reactions define my value as an artist! My ‘artist’s voice’ was just that…one voice amongst billions…no less…no more!

4. I gathered hope for my eventual salvation because the bird had been wounded, not killed. With immediate attention to my issues I might prevent the wound from festering…thus avoiding death.

This was a harsh lesson, delivered by the horrific wounding of a Goose. To another person, this wounded Goose would have been just that…a wounded Goose. As Freud once said, “Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.” For an image or an event to be significant and therefore transformative, it must grab your attention…likewise though, you must be open to receive!

Sometimes a cigar is just that...a cigar!

Sometimes a cigar is just that…a cigar!

2013 FLOODING – WHAT DOES THIS SYMBOLIZE?

Every city I have lived in, except for my present home on Vancouver Island has experienced, is experiencing or will experience catastrophic flooding this Spring…this list includes The Pas, Winnipeg, Banff, Calgary, Bragg Creek and Vienna… As I have watched this unfold throughout June, I feel sorrow for all who have been impacted. The power and unpredictability of water, leaves me terrified. I have vowed to sell my waterfront cottage after every ferocious winter storm, but recant once the threat passes. But now, with all the flooding of my home towns, what is the Universe telling me? Are these floods symbolic in some way…denoting a cleansing, or purifying of past wrongs…signifying a fresh start, as water is a universal symbol of change? Or is the flooding of everywhere I have lived a PREMONITION? Sell up now, and move to higher ground before you too are swamped!

Below is a 3 minute video I took while standing in my living room, in the cottage, during a winter storm. Then I have images of all 6 flood zones…HELP ME DECIDE! When is a cigar just a cigar? Should I sell and move? At the end of this post is a poll. Please VOTE!

DEEP BAY WINTER STORM FILMED FROM MY WINDOW

Vienna's Danube River Flooding in June 2013

Vienna’s Danube River Flooding in June 2013

The Flooding of VIENNA June 4th 2013     I lived here from 1991-1998

The Flooding of BANFF NATIONAL PARK  June 20th 2013    I lived here from 1972-1973

The Flooding of BRAGG CREEK June 20th 2013   I lived here from 1990-1991 and 1998-2011

Murray took this video as he was leaving Bragg Creek

The Flooding of CALGARY June 21 and still ongoing. 2013   I lived here from 1980 to 1990

Winnipeg Floods 2013

Winnipeg Floods 2013

The Flooding of WINNIPEG June 21 2013    I lived here from 1965-1972 and 1973-1980

Floods Predicted for The Pas Manitoba in 7-10 days    I was born here and left in 1965

SHOULD I MOVE? PLEASE TICK A BOX IN THE SURVEY BELOW. YOU WILL BE PART OF MY DECISION PROCESS!!

CONFESSIONS…

OF AN EMOTIONALLY EAGER WOMAN…

For the past weeks I have been trying to make a list of qualities that I would want to see in a man with whom I might have a relationship. Nada Niets Nihil Null Nichts…the page remained blank! Pathetic…I chastised myself… how have you chosen your men in the past? How are you choosing men now? Based on what? Obviously, nothing conscious. And so my confession unfolds.

I Don't Know What I Love in a Man!

I Don’t Know What I Love in a Man!

3 months ago I went out with a man called K. Supposedly, I said, within minutes of sitting down, “I am emotionally available, but not physically.” I say supposedly because I cannot imagine ME saying anything so clear and honest. K told me the other day, that these words are akin to hearing 2 other ‘kiss of death’ expressions from women. ‘I really like you but’ … or ‘You remind me of my brother!’  He then said that after nursing his bruised ego for some weeks, he realized that he too wanted to be friends, and so asked me out in pursuit of friendship. Now, as mutually proclaimed BFFs, we can talk to each other about our forays into the dating world. When K asked me to identify the dominant characteristics of men I have loved, I did some Freudian ‘free association’, feeling K’s non-judgmental curiosity and acceptance of anything I would say.

I blurted out, “Men I love are good looking, intelligent and emotionally unavailable.” A little flummoxed by this list, I tried to recant it. But K laughed out loud and said this described him perfectly…making the point that nothing had really changed for me…I was still attracted to the same type. I replied that I could see his good looks and intelligence, but needed him to explain the typical behaviours of an emotionally unavailable man. He guffawed with incredulity,

K: “Don’t you read Cosmo or Chatelaine? Women are always complaining about emotionally unavailable men!  When you told me you were emotionally available, but not physically, what went through my mind was that most guys, including me, are the opposite…present in body, absent in heart!”

Emotionally Unavailable

Emotionally Unavailable

Between2Marys: “Wait a minute, are you saying that this is a ‘thing’, a documented Character Flaw?”

K:  “I’ll use my very Smart Phone and show you! AHA! 267 578 sites on topic in 0.1 seconds. I’ll read a few descriptions of Emotionally Unavailable Men(EUM) and Emotionally Eager Women(EEW) to see if you recognize your men and yourself, okay?”

K: An EUM will do any one(or a combination of)the following, rather than explore the emotional side of an issue:

K: He will give his woman the silent treatment or pretend to agree with her so she’ll leave him alone or constantly forget to do an agreed upon task or do it poorly or procrastinate on an infinite number of things or feign fatigue as soon as his woman sits down to ‘have a chat’ or he’ll have a temper outburst or become a workaholic or give undue attention to a hobby or a sport or hide in an addiction or the real kicker, talk endlessly about other women…his friends of course…

As K droned on, every word bombarding my heart, I began to retreat into my martini addled consciousness. I didn’t need to hear the characteristics of the EEW, because I have just spent the last 6 months on The Other Woman Blog, dissecting her every thought and behaviour, past and present.

I went home that night feeling disoriented and stupid. I have spent my entire life trying to ‘turn’ emotionally evasive men into emotionally available men…I never accepted I was interacting with emoticons …you know, when the man you are talking to lifts the corners of his mouth upwards to simulate a smile or widens his eyes to convince you he is listening.

My Men!

My Men!

Emotionally Eager Women attract Emotionally Unavailable Men…ARGHHHHHHHH And just as an aside, look at those acronyms. Could they be better? In response to my signature query, “How are you feeling, dear husband, boyfriend, lover, father…I would hear, “eh…um”(EUM). And, after discovering that I am known to psychologists around the world as an Emotionally Eager Woman, makes me say…eew(EEW).

After this revelation with K, I spent the next week dancing to wild music, while maniacally playing ‘air guitar’, as I screamed a barrage of expletives…doing a good imitation of an angry teen. For those of you who do not know, below is aYouTube video which you can watch by clicking the triangle in the middle of the picture!

All of this dancing released a surge of energy from the core of my body…a seismic event, a cataclysmic, life altering shift in perspective. The pressure between Something’s Gotta Give and As Good as it Gets finally burst.

The men in my life ‘gotta give’ and this is ‘as good as I’m gonna get’!

 WEEK 32 OF 52

ENDING MY SEARCH FOR EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE MEN

Here is my deepest confession, although it may be perfectly apparent to all of you. I have spent the last 6 months, ‘working on myself’, so that I MIGHT GET MY MAN…FINALLY…

But never again will I believe that desiring emotional involvement from my partner is wrong. Never again will I believe that if I improve just a bit more, he will turn to me and say with conviction, “I LOVE YOU!”

I will remember that he owns this problem! He has a character defect!

February is the month of love.  So if I can’t be with someone who loves me, I’ll love the one I’m with. And as I am alone, I will start by loving me! I’m going to buy chocolates and flowers for myself on Valentine’s Day!

I will never accept emotional ambiguity, from a man, again!

MY NEW THEME SONG!

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